Welcome to my Nightmare
by On Wings Of Hope
Summary: Please, please forgive me, I can’t return again. My thoughts are lost and my heart is numb. And if I bleed, I’ll bleed knowing you don’t care. He whispered to me, "Don’t worry, Kagome. I’m… I’m right here.” But still I can't help but think, does he love m


A kinda song fic to Evanescence "Missing"… but after I got started it really didn't become much of a song fic, only incorporated the lyrics a small amount. Oh well, I do that… a lot sometimes. Anyways, enjoy my first fic to this site.

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**Welcome to my Nightmare**

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_please, please forgive me, _

_but i won't be home again._

_maybe someday you'll have woke up,_

_and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:_

_"isn't something missing?"_

I would be late coming home again. What else was new. Youkai were coming up everywhere and Inuyasha was always gets on their bad side, fast. But still, he was being a total jerk today, to everybody not just me. I wish he'd just drop the whole tough boy act, the whole nobody-can-hurt-me attitude. But still, I don't think I should leave now. Tonight's the new moon when Inuyasha's at his weakest. I know Miroku and Sango will be enough to watch after him. But I hate being away on a night like this with the way the youkai are leaving their hiding now with Naraku gone. I'll just sit at Kaede's hut for a little while, until I cool off. Maybe she'll have some sort of advice for me there. I can't help but think he doesn't miss me when I leave his side. When I go he is almost always angry. And when I return he's impatient and snappy for a little while like he has to adjust me back into his life. I don't let him know, not even Mom, my friends. No one. I let no one know that some nights I'll just sit in my bed and cry thinking of him. I cry until a fall into my slumber where still I dream just of him. Does he wait for me in my absence? Does he care when I leave? I know sometimes he must. That's what Sango told me, "He mopes around when you're gone, Kagome. But sometimes he doesn't seem to give a second thought to you. It makes me feel horrible to see him treat you like that. Sometimes I'll almost hit him. But I know it won't do a thing to help." I know Sango. I told her that I want her to do that for me if it happens again. If he acts like he doesn't care. That kiss we shared, It was real on my half at least. I love him, that stupid hanyou. I wonder if he feels just the same? I know that he can't, not totally. He is in love with Kikyou. Why wouldn't he be? She gave her life up in his name. He says he owes his own to her now. He's almost given it to her and a few occasions already. I stop outside of the village, only women, children, and the old men are here now. They've gone to fight off the damned youkai again. There's nothing I can do to help that Kaede can not. I sink onto a hill to think. I close my eyes seeing Inuyasha beneath my eyelids, he lies barely conscious about asleep. I can't help but think, "Isn't something missing in this picture?" Before I can pinpoint what it is I am sleeping, dreaming of him…

_you won't cry for my absence, i know - _

_you forgot me long ago._

_am i that unimportant...?_

_am i so insignificant...?_

_isn't something missing?_

_isn't someone missing me?_

… I'm here again. I'm near Inuyasha. He's half asleep… or is he. I can't see it's blurry now. Where am I? I'm not on the ground. Am I in the air? I feel so light headed, I couldn't care less where I am now. I look around, It's dark, no moon shines in the night. I see two people, who is it? And there's a little boy! I hear buzzing. It's fading away. I don't even bother to look. I can't make out Inuyasha's face. I know he is mad. I feel it in my heart, I feel it in the air. He won't care I'm gone, my absence here makes him happy, to make him happy is all I wanted to do. But I know he's forgotten about me. He doesn't think of me, just Kikyou. He said so even though he didn't know I was there, he still would have said it knowing my presence. "I never stop thinking about you, Kikyou! Not even for an instant!" He yelled it with such passion. Love. Am I than unimportant? Am I that insignificant? Isn't he missing me? Isn't someone missing me? I feel something missing. I… I'm on the ground now. I can't stop my legs from going to his unmoving form. The blur around the ground has faded but it still is dark. I can't smell anything, I feel nothing. I know what I see though, I sense it in the air, the way it moves around. The darkness in the ominous clouds. It is an incredibly thick miasma. I have forgotten, who uses miasma? I forget his face, his name. I reach Inuyasha. I shake him in his sleep. He will not wake. I hear a voice, a laugh. I familiar little chuckle. I can not stop trying to wake his form from an endless sleep. A bright light flashes around us. It is day all of a sudden. I look at him, a blood drenched face… dead… pale… cold… I see his tears. Black human hair does not turn back to silver. Dog ears don't return to him on his head. His face… his hands… nothing will change in the daylight. The only thing now is he is vanishing from my eyes. I try to yell. Who is that taking him with them to hell? Kikyou? You can't have him, I try to yell standing to chase. My voice is gone. I feel the wind on my back. I look. It's Kagura! "I command the dead, you will parish, Kagome. And I will have the sacred Shikon Jewel of the Four Souls!" Three dead forms come at me at first. It's Sango, Miroku, and Shippou. They were the people I saw before. I feel an arrow in my grip. I can't stop. I fire and strike everyone, except Kagura. She calls on two more dead people. I don't see why she controls her, Kikyou, but none the less I kill her, the arrow I can not stop. The other stands over her form. He growls and calls my name. I look at him, red eyes. I can't stand him. Long claws reach for my throat. I run and can't speak. I can't call out "sit." I can't make him understand. He's not in my reach anymore. He doesn't love me. Some how I find my self dressed in a priestesses clothing. I know there is a sharp pain in my shoulder but I can't feel it. I run on, but now I'm after someone. Blood, I know it's running but I can't feel it, nor do I stop. I'm on a vengeful path. Inuyasha, you have betrayed me. I stop. I suddenly find my voice but it isn't my words. "Inuyasha!" I cry. He runs past and looks my way. "Die, Inuyasha!" I yell. I feel an arrow in my hand again. It flies pinning Inuyasha to a tree. I hear him in pain. I see the blood shooting from his heart, his chest is blown open exposing my eyes to his lungs, his exploding heart. He doesn't fix to the tree. That was not a sacred arrow merely cursing him. It killed him! He falls forward breaking the arrow on impact driving the head father into his body splintering the wood through his veins and skin. I cover my ears shielding the bone chilling sound that causes my blood to run cold. I hear the laugh again. Kikyou? I don't want to think. Can't I too just die? "It has happened, you _have_ killed Inuyasha yet again." I can't talk again. I fall to my knees. I too must die, I feel the darkness closing on my dieing thoughts. A young girl runs to my side. Kaede? Is that young Kaede? No, it isn't. My mouth makes the words I don't want to say. She cried out first though. "Sister Kagome!" I speak words I know can't be right. "Kikyou. I want you to take this, the Shikon Jewel and have it burned with my body so that it will be taken to the next world with me." "Kagome!" she cries taking the jewel. My body falls, but I'm not dead. I see the child's body shift and Naraku leave her body letting her fall and die by me side where the girl looking almost nine changed to look older than I. "Now I have it, I can rule this world, and the other dimensions of time as I please now, and the beautiful priestesses, Kikyou and Kagome will be restored to serve me alone without any memories. I will have all I wish!" He laughs horribly. I wake to the feel a body on mine. I can feel him inside of me. I see his face, his red eyes. Naraku! Raping me, leaving me on the floor when he is finished. His world is dark and all people and youkai alike serve this hanyou. I watch him as he leaves, "Asshole!" I call after him. He looks at me and his eyes flash. This Naraku is not at I remember. He is a pure blooded youkai. He comes at me faster that I can follow and brings his hand hard and fast across my face. "Insolent wench! You're remembering again, aren't you? I'll send him to you again." He laughs and I fall closing my eyes and look a second later across the room. Someone's head hangs on the wall as a trophy. I can't remember the name. I know this person don't I! Don't I? It isn't right! Nothing is right anymore! …

_even though i'd be sacrificed, _

_you won't try for me, not now._

_though i'd die to know you love me,_

_i'm all alone._

_isn't someone missing me?_

… It was a useless sacrifice. My life was given just to kill somebody I can't piece together. He is like a puzzle in my mind. Half of the pieces are missing and some of the pieces don't belong. Nothing fits right and my hands are too numb to place them back together. I feel so alone here in Naraku's castle. I feel so dirty being slave to that youkai. My body is so cold, dead. Am I truly dead? I hear rustling beside me. I look and see another naked form. Kikyou! Now I feel so alike to her. I'm her reincarnation right? Or are we sisters? She called me sister. I can't remember anything anymore. All I remember is how I died. All I know is my hated of the one I killed and I know I am a slave. Naraku has left me. I force myself to my feet and cover my naked body with what I believe are my clothes. Their smaller than Kikyou's but nearly identical except my kimono has the shapes of hexagons on is, hers has pentagons. At least I think it is mine. No matter. Nothing matters anymore. I walk back to Kikyou. She looks so frail and sad. She looks in pain. I knell by her side and shake her arm. She came to a second later. "Kikyou?" I find my self asking, "Are you alright?" She looks at me and gives a small nod. She sits up and I hand the kimono to her to cover up. I hear foot steps coming. I look and see Kagura. I frown about to yell. She slips inside as if to hide. "I'll kill him." she retorts and sits against the wall paying to matter us two priestesses. I hear words in my head as if I can read Kagura's thoughts. "Damn that Naraku. I won't be slave to him forever. But still, I can't go against him, I'll be killed. I have no one. I suppose I should die. He holds my heart in his hands, it would be easy. But the suffering of my sisters, I don't know if he'll kill them too. They don't deserve it," I could hear. Who are her sisters? I only know of Kanna. "Are you that clueless. For years we've all been kin, Kagome." I heard Kikyou say. She could hear me too I guessed. I looked from her to Kagura. "I… I can't remember a thing. Only my death, just barely my death." Kagura looked strangely at me. "Perhaps Naraku sent him again?" She looked to the other priestess. She looked away, unsure. "I should remember if he came." "I guess." Kagura answered. I looked away out of a window. I am not free. I have no life of my own here. "Please, just let me wake up from the nightmarish hell." I whisper. "I can hear him." Kagura whispered to me. I looked her way and see a silhouette of somebody at the door. It isn't Naraku, that I can be sure of. I know the scent he brings with him but I don't remember his name or face anymore. Maybe I just don't want to from what he has done to me in the past. But are the memories mine? I am the reincarnation of Kikyou, but at the same time an incarnation of Naraku. He has my heart in his hands now so I have no memories. If he lets me remember the pain _will_ come back. I feel like I am Kohaku. Why do I remember this boy? Is he my brother? Just as Kanna, Kikyou, and Kagura are now my sisters and Naraku, he is my father, my master. The door opens to a face that brings the pain and sadness of years past. His clothing is different but his spirit still remains beneath the armor he bares and the aged appearance he holds. I know him. I would die again just to know that he loved me back. I remember his name, Inuyasha. He won't try to save me, not now. He has been sent to make me forget it all again, a repeated death. I killed him in my own death, so did Kikyou, and Naraku killed him again stole his body and brought him to life as his puppet. I want to run both to him and from him. I want to embrace him once more and feel his lips against mine, but I fear he has come for my life because I took his, I can't stand to feel this death again. The pain it brings me is unearthly. To be killed by the one, the only one I could ever love. I look away from him and his dull dead eyes. I have to leave…

_please, please forgive me, _

_but i won't be home again._

_i know what you do to yourself,_

_shudder deep and cry out:_

_"isn't something missing?_

_isn't someone missing me?_

… Please, please forgive me, I can't return again. My thoughts are lost and my heart is numb. I can't feel it beating anymore. I feel as if I am molded of the dirt and bones of my own little hellish gravesite like Kikyou. Just like her. I feel as though I'm just like her. I feel his touch, the warmth of his hand on my shoulder. Does he care? But I still feel something missing. I don't feel any love in his heart. Piece by piece I tried to heal the wounds of his heart in my life. Now he's hard and cold, ruthless and ready to kill me. I looked to him crying. I shudder and feel a deep pain of him in my shoulder leading to my neck. He is ripping the life from me again. All my sisters can do is look the other way because I can not die, I will be born again soon. But I bleed with the will to end it all forever…

_and if i bleed, i'll bleed, _

_knowing you don't care._

_and if i sleep just to dream of you_

_and wake without you there,_

_isn't something missing?_

_isn't something..._

…And if I bleed, I'll bleed knowing you don't care. You will be my witness. I'll do it with the knowledge you don't care and never had. "I will die and _never _return to the likes of you. I will die and you won't love me but Kikyou. I see it in your eyes, cold and dead. Run… run to her and embrace her in you arms and kiss her lips, dead like yours. You'd never love me and I never stood a chance of having your heart, not even a chance against the woman who killed you first and tried to take your life again and again trying to drag you to hell." I forced my dead body to my feet and in a rush found my self in the forest once more blood gushing from my arm. I wasn't my self, I stood in the body of Kikyou. And Inuyasha sealed before me. The heat of the fire at my funeral and my buried bones. The glimpses of hell. He struck me down with his claws, Inuyasha! "Why did you betray me, Inuyasha!" …

...I shot forward! I grabbed my heart. The sun rising blinded my eyes. I felt someone grab my shoulders. "Hey! Kagome." I looked back. Inuyasha, eyes full of concern. Real, live, concern for me. I began to cry harder and harder. "What's the matter?" he asked. I threw my arms around him, both of us falling to the ground. I cried into his chest. "Please, don't let me kill you again; don't let me die!" I pushed my face deeper into his chest and held him tighter as if for my life. I was scared out of my mind. "It isn't missing anymore…" I sobbed into his soaking clothes. I felt him hold me. He ran his fingers though my hair and let me cry. He'd let me cry until I was done. He wouldn't try to push what had happened out of me. I knew then he _did _love me. He whispered to me. "It's ok. Don't worry, Kagome. I'm… I'm right here."

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Moral: Never go to sleep mad, you never know how horrible a dream you could have… trust me I know it happens ( ;; why did I put I moral anyway, this isn't a fable…or is it?... don't fables use animals anyway?)

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So, what do you think. Good? Bad? No Opinion? Please tell me if think it's good. And I know the ending was kinda... _really_ crappy. But review anyway. Please! -forces chibi Inuyasha to make really really sad puppy dog eyes no one can ever ignore- 


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